Who has the worst reputation in Africa

Soundtrack: Trentemøller feat. Ane Trolle – Moan

While I am waiting things out down here, why not give you my version of Nigeria. Being patience has it price, I guess..
José Ramon Domenech Sanchez (now a Spanish World Cup winner) from Valencia seems to have found his way down to Cape Town. José  (yes Ian, he has arrived, will say hello from you) has been travelling down the West coast of Africa on a bicycle, yes you read correct. He is hardcore. I met this tough guy in Buea, Cameroun. Hopefully I will see him within long time here in Table View. Time for stories and beers. Another good friend who visited me the other day, was Kobus. Kobus made it through Niger close to getting kidnapped by the Toureg’s and without an original Carnet, which unfortunately got stolen by the same Toureg’s. So what do you do. Well I guess you have to use your imagination and make a copy of the Carnet. He managed to get back home to SA with great success.
I know a lot of people have heared bad things about the big nation of Nigeria, including myself. Why does Nigeria have such a bad reputation, and what should I really expect of it? I guess those are some of the questions I have in my mind before visiting the country. Some people say you can get robbed, kidnapped, raped or even killed by visiting the Nigeria.You mostly hear bad stories of the country, scams, Muslims killing Christians and about Western oil employees get kidnapped south of the Delta belt. Is that true? Well there is only one way to find out…
I think I only heard one single person speak good about Nigeria while I have been travelling. So you can guess what I had in my mind when I left laid back Benin and crossed the Nigerian border….
Immediately when I left Benin and arrived on Nigerian soil, I was surrounded by smiling nice Nigerian people, who wanted to exchange phone numbers and get a new Danish friend. Regarding exchanging phone numbers. What you do, if you don’t want your new Nigerian friend to call you 24/7 to get a Danish visa in this example. Is to give them a phone number to a person you hate. It could be your old boss you just hate like the plague. I guess we all have an acquaintance like that. Believe me it works!
Getting into a problematic situation is not difficult at all. But I would say it is all about timing, where you go and which people you bump into. I had luck with almost all 3, except of getting pulled over to the side by some greedy traffic officer. When the cop spotted me racing down the road on day three of my stay in Nigeria. He waved me into the side and tried to take me for a ride that would have cost me 100 USD. One of the officers wanted to inspect my bike which ment testing the horn and lights. As he couldn’t find anything wrong he preceded to my luggage, saying I had too much things on the bike. I promptly replied him that it must have been the best joke I had heard for a long time. But this guy was serious, he pulled out a sheet stating the tariff for violating the Nigerian traffic regulations. It stated 10.000 Naira ( 100 USD). After that I simply just ignored him and went over to have a good chat to the other officers. It helped, he got off my back and left me alone.
The border at Tchikandou took almost three hours , once the “Border Health Control” officers on the Nigerian side were finished bothering Ian and me by checking our vaccination cards and asking dum questions we were off to visit the immigration and custom office and get our stamp into Nigeria. The customs were not that big a problem once we got them persuaded to do a Laissez-Passer (Passavant) because of our “lack” of Carnet de Passage. I still managed to have great success travelling down Africa without using my Carnet. So far I had managed to get all the way down and into Nigeria without using it, which ment I also had a great success of showing people on the HUBB that you can do the West African coast without a pricy Carnet. The Nigerian officers were very nice. When the power was not cutting out we watch football with them while they issued us a free Laissez-Passe.
Already at the border both Ian and I were severe dehydrated, but after the following two days on probably some of the worst roads I have ever seen in my whole life we were longing for Namibia more than ever. I came to the point were I thought that this was a waste of time and energy, why not just ship the bike down to civilized South Africa and ride around, just enjoying? I would consider that if I once again had got the chance before arriving on Moroccan soil.
I would probably describe the roads we were on much better by saying it was like an old river bed we were riding on. If this was not enough, this time I was equipped with 10 liters of spare fuel for Ian and I. We quickly got rid of the fuel by filling up both bikes.
After a couple of hours later the smile on my lips had dissapeared and my mood was hanging in a thin thread as we progressed us slowly into mid-Nigeria, kilometer by kilometer. No possibilities of buying water or food. All we had was a couple of liters left of hot water, some rice and 2 cans of sardines. When you once in a while get the oppertunity to buy water or a soft drink by the side of the road, it is hot liquid. Ever tried to enjoy a nice hot Coke after riding 8 hours in 45 degrees living hell? I can’t recommand it.
When asking the local people we met o the “road”, they kept saying the condition would get better, some even told us it would be normal tar road after 12 kilometers. I learned one thing that day. People will say anything to make you happy. They rather give wrong advice about direction than admitting they don’t have a clue of what you  are asking them about. It might be something about their pride that make them do so? I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on the African people, most of them haven’t been outside their own village their whole life, so what can one expect? I guess I got taken away by the situation.
Later the very same day but only 20 km down the trail we ended the day and camped in the bush. We were both totally wasted and wanted to get the hell out of the situation we so easily had putted our self in by turning down from the main road on a little trail leading us into the bush and making a short cut that would have (at least on the map) saved us another 150 km.   During the evening a big electrical storm appeared and we had a well deserved shower under the open sky. Next morning Ian and I agreed that there was no way back, only forward.
Ian and I were heading for Abuja, the head capital of Nigeria, which we to start with thought was just a day or two away from the border. Once again I got wiser. With the average speed of 15 km/ hour and several breaks without water, 100 km seems like a pretty far distance, especially underneath the burning sun. I was pretty tired of the conditions and our progress, but I think Ian was more than that. Remember he was the one that had to wait on me all the time.
When we arrived to New Bussa we agreed that it was time to settle down and spend the night at the Holy Year Hotel, what a big mistake! Ian was at that point not doing well. He was pretty sick due to dehydrating, a result of two days on a dirt trail with intense heat and not enough water. As this was not enough, the hotel had called the “National Security” guys of Nigeria to come over and interview us regarding our stay in Nigeria. My mood was absolutely not for an interview at that point. When the dude started to insinuate that we were spies, or perhaps terrorist’s, my patience ran out right away. Ian was totally silent due to his condition, but I was starting to take the situation and the guys rather ridicules. I couldn’t believe that they treated their tourist’s like that. The interview was a total chaos as I couldn’t take any of their questions seriously and the guys quickly left the hotel, I never really figured out who they were and what the point was of the interview?
First part of Nigeria was not that bad at all, what impressed me most was the crazy traffic – people driving like they have stolen the vehicle, greedy police and the loss of my GPS in Kaiama. Nigeria was not over yet, we had to cover the other half of the country after a “short” visit in Abuja to pick up four visas for Cameroun, Congo, DRC and Angola…

Bloddy fucking customs of SA (NEWS)
So what is new since I wrote to you guys last time, well I can say that nothing really has changed. My shipper FCL here in Cape Town are doing all they can to get me and the bike out of South Africa. The story is still the same. I guess there is one custom officer in Durban who have decided that I am not leaving his country within the next few weeks! The custom’s of SA refuse to stamp the Carnet out. Ship is delayed again, and will now leave before 16. of July. Meanwhile I have tried to contact several organisations, including ADAC in Germany, that issued my Carnet. They tell me the same story. They have never experience the problem before and have told me to contact the South African Automobile Club in Johannesburg. I have now asked my shipper to contact above automobile organization. The following is ADAC writing in an email to me:

Dear Mr. Hoey,

Many thanks for your information. We do not know, why the customs in Durban refuse to stamp your Carnet on exit. We never have had such problems in the past.

I suggest to get in contact with the South African Automobile Club directly. I hope they can assist. The telephone number of the AASA in Johannesburg is the following: 0027-11-799 1040 or 1042. Please ask for Mrs. Bokang Seroka or Meliza van Dyk from the Travel Service. I hope they can assist.

Could you send me your Carnetnumber please?

Kind regards

Karina Stephani
Touristische Services Reise und Freizeit (TSR) – Grenzverkehr
Tel: +49 / 89-76 76 63 31 Fax: +49 / 89-760 75 72
karina.stephani@adac.de
www.adac.de
ADAC Touring GmbH